I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
