On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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