a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
