i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
