It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize