Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
