Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
