my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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