and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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