I met the friendliest cop last night
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
