So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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