I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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