How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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