Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
