so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
