what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize