if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
