I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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