know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
