I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
