mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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