her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
