I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I cut my penus on the lid.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
