yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
