he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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