Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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