i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
