I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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