My first STD was from a foam party
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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