Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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