We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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