i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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