I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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