guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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