My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
