just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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