Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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