It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
