We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
