If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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