Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
