He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Im part way to drunk.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
