I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
