Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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