these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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