Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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