with your own penis?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
