hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
