so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
