she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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