i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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