Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
