you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
