Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
