Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
