upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
