last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
