I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize