Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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