My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
