u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
