Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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