I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
