I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
