i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
