Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
