Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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