Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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