i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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