That's intense
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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