is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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