Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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