Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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