i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
we should paint friendship bongs
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
