no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
