Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
